River of tears

Tears. Rivers of tears. Flowing unchecked. A momentum all its own.

So many different kind of tears.

Sobbing tears that rise up deep from the belly.

Weeping tears that seep out unexpectedly.

Wailing tears with sounds so old.

All of them serving.

Cleansing.

Offering an entry into what IS.

Can we ALLOW grief?

EMBRACE grief?

See the gifts, the unexpected beauty in the humanness that links us ALL? This time AFTER. It is about connection/disconnection. Connection to the WHOLE. Beyond any constructed barricades we use to separate ourselves from others.

Like birth. Like death. This too is so deeply HUMAN.

And the disconnection. It is OURS. Like any profound experience- it is both universal and deeply personal.

My heart is broken open in the NEWNESS of life after death.

Everything feels STRANGE.

Automatic patterns are gone.

New ways emerging.

For me, for right now, it feels REAL.

Naked. New. CHANGE.

Each "first" is a recognition that life is different now. Gary is not part of it now. I am figuring it out now. When the children come home, he is not there. We all feel it. Talk about it as best we can. I bring out the box of his shirts, ties, jackets to share,. Concrete carriers of his presence.

Connection. Disconnection.

Can I be open to it?

Can I be curious about/open to the Holy Mystery of it?

Can I KNOW how deeply connected I am to all the others across the world in a time of flux, loss, grief?

Can I allow the GIFTS of the present moment to enter into that Newness?

Can I ACCEPT the veils between worlds knowing there is a deep connection of LOVE that bridges any gaps of time/space?

This tender grief time feels like a doorway into new depths of knowing. Of knowing myself. Of knowing a part of life not experienced this way before. Of disconnecting from the old. Finding connections unfolding in the new. Of interfacing with Holiness. Of being open to Mystery.

This is not suffering/fear/resistance/pushing away.

This is another face of love. Softening into the Unknown.

In a strange way,.

This is Grace.

An offering.

An opening into the Unknown.

How unexpected to see gratitude unfold in the midst of it.

How surprising to connect to others in this open heart felt way.

No judgement.

No expectation.

Just listening.

Hearing.

Feeling.

Grounding in the gifts of our day to day present moments. Our bodies such teachers of where we hold and can release the stress.

Our breath. Always with us. Free. Accessible. Powerful in its gentleness.

If you are dipping your toes into this journey of entering the Unknown, know that you are in good company. There are LOTS of us here opening up rather than closing down.

It's a thing done best in the company of others.

I am honored to do it with you.

with such love,

Martha