Drinking and stress.
Seems like every commercial or movie reinforces that's the best thing to do when stressed: have a glass of wine.
End of the day making dinner? Glass of wine.
Getting ready to go out meeting new people? Glass of wine.
Watching terrible world news? Glass of wine.
Getting labs results saying something is wrong with your husband's bone marrow? It would have been a REALLY big glass of wine, and I would wake up feeling like shit the next morning. Swearing at myself. "THAT was stupid" and justify it because it was a stressful time.
What do I do now?
NOT the glass of wine. Been there. Done that. And if ANYONE is feeling caught in that web, I can tell you I so know that trapped feeling. Knowing it isn't good for me and doing it again and again.
News flash: alcohol actually CREATES stress. That 3am waking and worrying? Its so about the chemistry of our body trying to compensate and regulate after the alcohol. Much less all the mental beating ourselves up chatter that is like having war of blame/shame going on. It sucks.
I am honored to share the simple but hard journey. It really IS possible to have alcohol small, unimportant, and find new ways to hold what ever comes your way.
I now am in that limbo land of waiting for lab results. Like so many around the world. Wondering. Waiting.
Instead of turning to alcohol, I am leaning in. Leaning in on the mixed feelings. Emotions are energy. They move. They speak to me. Hand on my heart. Hand on my belly. Deep breaths. Longer exhales. Movement. Fresh air. Good food. Cups of tea. Soaks in the tub.
And circling up with loved ones.
We all know about the stress responses: Fight/Flight/Freeze. (With alcohol, I think FOG should be added) Most of these studies were done on men (no disrespect here).
There are more recent studies from around the world that study women.
Women's PRIMARY response to stress? To circle up with loved ones. Gather. Make sure their loved ones are safe. Tell stories. Share. Laugh. Cry. Eat together. Huddle together.
Like the Elephants when one of them is giving birth, vulnerable, they circle up. They gather around.
We think alcohol helps us connect??? Does it REALLY? Is that TRUE? For me, a clear no.
Plans to visit the grand babies are put on hold. More tests ahead. More waiting.
I don't know what the future holds. It seems a bit elusive honestly. That bike trip in May? Maybe but probably not. It doesn't seem to matter as much.
For now, for now, heartfelt conversations with my husband, dogs nearby, the woodstove burning, friends together for dinner is a gift.
I surely don't hold the future.
The past makes up who I am now. The hard times seem to offer lessons to grow by.
The gift is the present. The small details in my day to day. Tiny beams of love. Light. Appreciation. Gratitude.
More and more I know that alcohol only layers on a heaviness that is damp/gray/chilly/isolating and turns our hearts against ourselves.
Is your inner voice calling you away from that? Maybe just cutting back? What would that look like?
Come explore a life away from the myth that stress is better with alcohol.
"Can you be at ease with where you are at this moment?"
Even with the worry of waiting. Even with the emotional roller coaster of medical questions, its better clear headed.
It's possible.
Like the elephants: we aren't supposed to figure it out all by ourselves.
We need each other.
I will go along the way with you.
Reach out by email. We can explore what you are hoping for.
Martha
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