We had a BIG party. A celebration of our 40th wedding anniversary and Gary, my husband turned 70. (AND he has a limited life expectancy- ya that).
It was something truly amazing to be surrounded by family and friends. The richness and tenderness and openness was a surprise.
We laughed. We cried. We DANCED.
And I wonder: how to navigate this time of unknown?
How to juggle the worry of the future,/not knowing how this weird MDS disease will progress? What will it look like?
Most of the time, the day to day right now is so very normal: bike rides in the early mornings before it gets too hot. He goes off to play golf with his pals. I seek solace in meditation and time with friends in nature. Most of the time I can hold the present space as ENOUGH. Most of the time, especially after such an AMAZING gathering, I feel the safety of our network, knowing I have resources near by to call on if/when things change. Its something I LOVE about living in this small community in rural Vermont: people know and show up for each other.
And now, also true: the medical appointments bring up worries/questions/reality checks. Like a long labor, sometimes the exams offer data that is helpful for decision making. Even though we are on the route of non treatment, non intervention, there are things we think about. Do I go off to see my college pals for a long weekend?
I think of all the other women who are living in my situation: partners with a diagnosis/health issue that impacts the day to day. Women who are holding the present moments with the knowledge that life will be changing dramatically in ways we have no control over. Women who are doing the best they can in ways that are available.
2 years ago, I have no doubt that the MAIN way I would have approached this time is with LOTS of over drinking. Its a surprise and a gift to know from the bottom of my bones that THAT trick has run its course. What freedom to know it is NOT something that helps.
There is nothing magic about this (although it does sometimes FEEL magical). ANYONE can find themselves over drinking, ESPECIALLY DURING TIMES OF STRESS, LOSS and CHANGE.
AND: everyone, not just a few, can find the new neural pathways to unravel that pattern and find new ways to sit in the beautiful mess that is our lives without alcohol fogging it all up.
I am SO committed to supporting women during transitions. I am starting up a group with my collegue Michelle Nesbitt during October for "women in change"- whether its related to a relationship stress/change, empty nest, retirement, job burnout etc. Its about women gathering to support women as we find safe space to speak our truth and explore CONCRETE ways to navigate the waters.
I don't have all the answers. I am also unveiling truths in myself and in my life which are sometimes surprising, sometimes terrifying, AND mirrors of lessons for me as I open myself to the next layer of living authentically.
I KNOW that to do that with others is AMAZING and TRANSFORMATIVE.
Being with others' gets us through transitions quicker, easier and joyfully. (I mean, gather women together and there is BOUND to be howls of laughter along with the tender tears.)
Message me if you are curious about the October group.
We will post an early bird sign up special soon with more details. (Places limited as we know how powerful it is to have a small personalized group.)
SO SO SO much love to all of you navigating these crazy times.
My heart is with you.
xo Martha
So poignant 🩷