It was 2 years ago that I started my journey into life without alcohol.
At first it was a game I played with myself: "I wonder how I would feel after a month of no alcohol."
Month 2: "I wonder what it would be like to not be foggy in the mornings at our summer camp?"
And then: "I wonder if I would be more present with my holiday guests without the wine". Rather than say: I will not drink any more (that sounded awful and made me want to drink more), I kept it light. SHORT term. And little by little, the time unfolded to the point where I was kind of EXCITED about how it would be to get through a wedding, flying, birthdays, vacations (all the FIRSTS). But I am getting ahead of myself.
In the beginning: IT WAS HARD.
Phase 1:
The first 3-5 days are rough. Such a headache. Sleep elusive. Cravings present around every corner. I was TIRED and cranky.
There are SO many physiological reasons why these days are hard. Your body is adjusting in SO many ways.
Tricks that help:
Make a clear, strong decision. Even if all the chatter is going on in your head, you stick to that decision (for TODAY, not forever)
Drink TONS of water
REST as much as you want. Be a blob. Its ok. It doesn't last.
Make it harder to go to that first drink: I had to get rid of the red wine in the house those first weeks.
Make it EASIER to choose something non alcohol. Have your favorite seltzer flavor with lots of lemons in it in a fancy glass readily available (or whatever NA option appeals to you)
Ask someone nearby to keep your glass filled with your preferred NA drink.
Yogi Detox tea is filled with nutritive herbs. 2-3 cups/day at this point is supportive.
Phase 2 is all about being CURIOUS
Pretend you are a detective and make mental or written notes about: WHEN do you want to drink, HOW to you FEEL at that moment, WHAT are you THINKING, What do you think you will GAIN?
Tricks that helped me:
Urge surf: dive into the physical sensations of the cravings: Where do you FEEL that craving in your body? Be like a mindful Buddha; lean IN to that sensation, breathe to it. Look at the clock: how long does the craving last??? It usually has a shape like a wave: starting, building and then, eases off. (hint: they usually diminish in less than 15 minutes)
Ask your body: what do you REALLY need at this moment? Food,? Water? Exercise? Time outside? A big fat scream to let out the stress of the day? Would you feel better putting on some loud music and dancing like a crazy person? Do you need to fill your time?
HALT-B is an acronym for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired- Bored. These are really common reasons why we reach for a drink. It often has become so automatic that we often forget to clue into ourselves to check into what is truly needed.
Create a new pattern. A LOT of our drinking becomes automatic. Interrupt that. Change the pattern somehow to get your brain thinking a new way. For example; if the first thing you do when you get home is you put your keys down, take off your shoes, and go to the cupboard for the drink, see how you can mix it up. Come in another door. Go for a quick walk. Put on music first thing. JUMP around 5 times (i know, it is SO silly but guaranteed to make you smile and get some good energy in your brain). Get creative. Make it FUN, easy and connected to something that is routine. Have a cold NA beverage in the frig ready and waiting for you.
Play it forward: when you are thinking about having that familiar glass of whatever has been your pattern, think of how you will feel in the morning. Is it worth THAT???
Phase 3 is all about learning COMPASSION for yourself.
When we stop beating ourselves up, a LOT of learning can happen.
When we begin to say: I am learning. I am growing. I had the wrong tools. I had the wrong information. I am open. I see the gifts. I am grateful..... these things are game changers.
This part, this part of creating the life you embrace whole heartedly takes time and inner work. It has a LOT to do with tuning into our true selves and learning strategies to live our best lives. It is a peeling away of old thoughts/patterns/beliefs so that we live each day more real, more vulnerable, more able to allow ALL parts of ourselves to hold what we hold.
Reframing our thoughts/feelings/beliefs AUTOMATICALLY changes our actions. THIS is a secret sauce! Work here is where the DESIRE for alcohol slips away.
How long will this take? I never know. Its different for each of us.
When it happens, there is FREEDOM and THAT IS AMAZING!!!
Tricks during this phase:
Mindfulness moments each day.
Body movement
Nourishing food
Social/support network
Now 2 years later, I truly can say that I drink as much as I want to. I simply have NO interest in it!
You too can have this!
Hope these tricks can give you a jump start, or maybe even a glimmer that life really is BETTER without that substance.
I am here for you.
XOXO Martha
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