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Holding eachother

mredpath015

Updated: Jan 23


If there is one thing I am learning, it is that we are deeply intertwined with others.

This journey into life without alcohol isn't so much about whether someone is drinking or not. It is SO much more about leaning into the connection with others, letting go of that feeling of being alone. How many times (months, years?) did I think changing a life habit was something that came from self determination or self control or will power. How many days did my day start with regret that I had that last glass of wine and a decision to skip it today, only to find it 5pm, making dinner and think "ah its not so bad really". And so it went. Around and around. The Hamster wheel, I'd call it when humor filled. Honestly, it doesn't feel funny does it? Its a sort of suffering of our souls. Trust in ourselves plummets. That critical voice in our heads gets louder and louder. And if you are like me, I hid. I was hiding that I was over drinking, hiding the battle in my head from others. "I should know better." "I'm a health care provider." "I KNOW its not good to be drinking this amount."

I'm sure my husband noticed the over flowing recycling bin, the box wines that would empty from those heavy pours. Sometimes we'd joke about it. Inside. Inside it wasn't funny.

I was embarrassed. Ashamed. And that isolation/shame kept me from reaching out.

And then I saw it. An Instagram post from Annie Grace about change happens with COMPASSION rather than judgement. How our SUBCONSCIOUS selves need be to heard. And how knowing others, SO many others all around the world are challenging the assumptions we have embraced about alcohol....THIS is what cleared out a tiny window of curiosity and courage to push the button and see what coaching could do. Maybe it WASN'T something about me being weak or not enough.

Changing the question from: what is wrong with me, to what IS this substance that I put into my body every day and don't think twice about? How do I ACTUALLY experience it? How do I want to FEEL about myself, my life, my future?

This connection to others and exploring the journey of life away from alcohol with them has been the biggest gift of all. Meeting people from all over the globe who also seek clarity, authenticity, willingness to be vulnerable and lean into the edges of ourselves is powerful. Finding a way to offer it back? A privilege.

And so, the lessons continue to show up in other parts of life.

This journey of living with Gary's diagnosis: how do we do this? How to hold all the mixed emotions? How to embrace every day as a gift while also preparing for what is ahead when the timeline is so unknown?

I am in new territory. Every part of it is unknown. Maybe there are others out there who can offer insight? Who else thinks about this?

Is being open with others the way to new perspectives? (Hmmm... seeing the thread of being open to changing my habits with alcohol... First the fear. The hesitation. The feeling not good enough that keeps me stuck....and then asking a different question....)

Carving out time for family and dear friends- that's happening. And too, finding even the random conversations at the gym, at a yoga class, the unexpected places where people share their heartfelt life-cracking-you-open stories reveal the underlying weaving of connection.

We prepare for childbirth. Sometimes we go to parenting classes.

Can we prepare for loss, grief and death?

We are SO disconnected from death and dying in our culture.

It's the ONLY thing we know for sure: we all are going to die. We fear this. We dread this. We avoid this. We fight this on so many levels.

What if? What if it opens up new avenues of CONNECTION, of LOVE rather than fear????


Push the button to connection Martha. Be brave. Follow what you LONG for rather than what is frightening....

I signed up for a course in Conscious Living and Dying. Sounds weird I know. But what the heck?

I love that there is a body of knowledge, a network of people that are, like midwives, offering a thoughtful process of trusting in the Mystery of it all.

Its going to new places.

Its being OPEN when afraid and unsure.

Its following that heart felt Wise quiet voice within us: YES. YES. THIS is what I want to lean towards. I don't get it yet. There is something here.


We are ALL in this soup of life. We ALL have SOMETHING that makes us afraid, feel alone, ashamed, want to hide from.

And finding connection in the thick of it is perhaps the kindest gift we can give ourselves.

Reach out if connection through coaching is calling you.

xo

Martha





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